Back to You
by rwtf Snazzy
Summary: "I'm a fabulous example of an exhausted wanderer." Based around the song "Back to You" by Wynter Gordon, this small number was the result. (Since I was not able to cope very well after watching episode 34, here is my little drabble of wishful thinking.) There may be a few heart wrenching moments, but it is made up for with some Hollstein fluff. Please leave reviews nonetheless.


Note: After episode 34, I committed the night going through my music library trying to forget what I had heard. Then, this song came on, and I instantly seen it relate to Carmilla. Then I jumped on my computer, and went to town writing (after a few shots of jack to get the ball rolling lmfao) I had also seen some fanart of Carmilla with a guitar and some drumsticks, so I figured, she's been around this long and enjoys sweeping the ladies off of their feet, why not have her know how to play the guitar?

The song she plays is "Back to you" by Wynter Gordon

I really hope people check that out, cause it will make her reaction a lot easier to understand.(:

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><p>Sleep was elusive. Had been for weeks, and she can feel the ugly bags taking up a permanent residence under her eyes.<p>

The camera hasn't been turned back on since that day, and nor will it ever again. Why would it? Nothing felt the same anymore; because nothing _was_ the same. Nothing was old and familiar everything was off and odd, leaving Laura totally on edge. No surprise visits or anyone busting through her door, no passing the time talking about the supernatural, no waltzing lessons with Carmilla that would always kick herself into overdrive.

She doesn't leave her room anymore unless it is for the one class she actually has a shot at still passing, and even then, it is straight there and straight back. She doesn't stop when people call out her name, she doesn't make time for any 'hey sorry, I'm in a hurry' excuses, she just doesn't acknowledge anyone from point A to point B.

Eventually, people started to catch on.

With the exception of Perry and LaFontaine of course.

Heaven knows how much of a wreck her room would be if it weren't for the occasional drop-in's from the two. Perry cleans, saying very little while she works, and has been restocking Laura's cereal and cocoa supply whether she has noticed it or not. Laura hasn't touched her bed in just as many weeks, and instead has been sleeping every single night (and often entire days) on Carmilla's bed. From the second the girl walks back into the room, she has that infamous yellow pillow held close.

"Happy Thanksgiving Laura," Perry says setting down a fresh cup of hot cocoa on her computer desk. "We well be going to my parents for the weekend, please do call if you need anything. Anything at all. I'll be here." She says pouring as much sincerity into the sentence as she possibly could. Even if Laura wanted to say something in return, she wouldn't know where to start; I mean, she's closed herself off this long. Laura simply nods, and the two leave.

A small beep chimes from her computer, and a red light flashes in the in the lower corner. Laura ignores it.

She runs her fingers along the spines of the few books Carmilla had in her bedside shelf. Putting the one she had just finished down, she then squeezes her eyes shut, shoving her fingers into them as she tries desperately to rub the visions of the stubborn vampire's face from her mind.

_Beep_

She rolls over in an aggravated huff, pulling the a shirt of Carmilla's that was left on the bedpost, and down to her face. Her body is wracked, she wants nothing more than to succumb to the drowning grief, and unleash the waterworks for the thousandth time; but she is all cried out. Now, there was only numbness in certain company with a haunting awareness; like a huge part from inside her chest has been mercilessly and _viciously_ torn out, and there was nothing left to replace the new found void.

It terrifies her every time she grabs this shirt, because eventually, the sweet smell of Carmilla's will be gone, and replaced by her own; but today was as good as any for an excuse.

_Beep_

"God I miss you…" Laura's broken voice fills the dorm. She gets a fist full of the shirt, clutching at it like it's some sort of lifeline. "Why did you have to go and be stupid and selfless, why did you have to save me…" and what do you know? she _does_ still have some tears left. "Why didn't you listen to me, why didn't you stay away and hide…" and just like that, she'd rather have a prized fighter punch her square in the chest, than feel what she does about those last few words she ever said to the broody-overprotective vampire..

She outright unravels; there is nothing but her face buried in the now tear stained tee, and pillow.

"I don't know what I am supposed to do without you…" Laura confesses to the empty room.

_Beep_

With a guttural noise of disgust, Laura kicks the blanket off of her, and storms over to the computer.

A message pops up in the lower corner of the screen and reads: "Storage space low"

"It was one saved paper, are you kidding me." Laura lets out an irritated noise, clicking around from folder to folder trying to find the source that had been sucking up the last bits and bytes that her computer had left. She comes across a video log with a date she doesn't recognize. She doesn't remember filming that day, because she wasn't even on school grounds that entire weekend; she was at her dad's for his birthday… Which happened to be the same weekend they had gotten into their fight…

She doesn't hesitate to play it.

/ _There are a few muffled voices, _(arguing from the sound of it)_ but the screen is still black because there's a hand obscuring the lens._ /

Before Laura clicks to exit the recording thinking it is an old joke, or a prank, whatever, she hears someone sternly say in the background: "It's for her own good."

So she gives the log a minute longer.

_/Someone leaves the room, but you still can't tell who…_

_"Alright." LaFontaine says finally uncovering the camera. "So, Laura, if you're seeing this, this wasn't my idea. So, just remember that. Okay?" She says peering over her shoulder at someone who is out of focus. "Maybe you won't, who knows, maybe we will go back and watch this and there won't be anything. It's all really just a waiting game I guess?" She glances at the other person, uncertain in her own words. _

_"Look, we just thought it would be better to be safe than sorry, you never know what plans, and possibly evil plans one might be… well… planning?" Clearly she is going off of some script put in front of her, because she keeps constantly checking in with the individual still out of camera view. "This is for your own safety, we just wanted to be sure." She finishes as she covers the lens; the last thing she is heard saying is: "yes, go, it's covered, she won't see you." /_

But Laura already knows who it was: Danny.

_/Then LaFontaine uncovers the camera, gives an apologetic look, and waves before leaving the room./_

When there is nothing but an empty room after a full minute, she hits fast forward.

Then Carmilla enters the room; and Laura all but slams on the stop button.

The vampire is scoping about, like someone was waiting in the shadows of their tiny room ready to pounce. There is a quick glance at the computer screen, but it looks like she doesn't notice that it is still on capturing every moment.

Carmilla snatches up the yellow pillow before burring her face into it and collapsing onto her own bed.

Laura can feel the familiar heat creep up the sides of her neck, eventually reaching her cheeks. Was the vampire so un-tech savoy?

Or did she not care?

There isn't a whole lot after that; just a lot of shots of Carmilla reading, cat-napping, and snacking on Laura's favorite cookies.

The new footage of Carmilla threatens to bring back the onslaught of tears.

Attempting to re-position herself more comfortably, she accidentally bumps the keyboard, sending the images fast forward again.

"Crap!" Laura shouts at the computer, hitting the pause key just as quickly.

Where it is stopped, all she sees is the vampire on her knees next to her bed. Laura squints, then hits play; this time, being extra careful she doesn't hit a wrong button again.

_/Carmilla is reaching for something clearly tucked far away from any human grasp; then she finally pulls out a guitar from underneath her bed./_

_A guitar?_

Laura is taken back, half surprised and half upset that she didn't know about the girl's hidden secret before tonight. Then again, it _was_ a smart hiding spot; no human being would dare take on that task of going near, or cleaning under Carmilla's bed… Not even Perry.

/_Carmilla jumps back on to her bed, quickly twisting and re-tuning the instrument in her lap. She reaches over her shoulder for a smaller book from the shelf, pulls it out, and opens it beside her./_

Laura turns away from the screen to look back to the bed; seeing the same book Carmilla was using in the video still sitting on the shelf. One she hadn't gotten too yet.

A few plucked strings sound, pulling the girls attention back to the video.

And for the next hour she just sits, watching… listening…

Listening to the notes the vampire would effortlessly strum and string together, scribbling down things in that book, the couple mistakes and irritated huffs and puffs Carmilla would make… Watching the girl lose herself for a moment in time as she played.

It was breathtaking.

Laura refuses to cry, because if she does, that means those seconds she spends wiping away the waterworks, are seconds she misses seeing that beautiful girl preform.

Before Laura thinks there isn't anything left Carmilla could possible do to surprise her now, she doesexactly that.

It started at first with a few hums, then… she was_ singing_.

_/I can be so vain, so cold sometimes, it's true.  
><em>_I'm such a fool../_

Before Carmilla can even get thirty seconds into her song, Laura fucking_ loses_ it.

_/All the creepy thoughts my mind designed to cope with loneliness,_  
><em>When I pushed away my one true chance to live in happiness.<em>

_It always comes back to you./_

Watching Carmilla pour her heart out with each word, Laura is transfixed; letting each note wash over her.

_/I'm afraid to stop and rest my head and put my trust in us._  
><em>I'm a fabulous example of an exhausted wanderer.<em>  
><em>I can walk all day and smile and say that this here is success.<em>  
><em>But it don't mean shit unless you're here, and you're not, and I'm a mess.<em>

_I took you for granted, I spit in your face._  
><em>And I let you shower me with love, then threw it away.<em>  
><em>Now I miss your heartbeat, and I miss your face.<em>  
><em>And I miss just lying here with you, a part of your space.<em>

_It always come back to you./_

"Stupid, so stupid," is the only thing the girl sits there brokenly repeating through her hands.

Her hands had dropped from her eyes and were clenching and un-clenching fists. Her eyes stared into the flames that reflected the anger, until her ragged breathing decided to get back under control. She was _angry_. Anger wasn't a new feeling for Laura, it was just highly unusual for someone as optimistic as her to be angry. Even with optimism on her side she couldn't find the high point in this situation, nor could she shrug off the feeling that now the world was just being cruel to her, by playing one last and sickening joke; this is what was making made her blood boil.

There are no more good and calm feelings, there is no longer a sanctuary only sitting two feet away from her. It' just one big cluster of mixed emotions, and unable to sort out which one she feels more and less of, made it worse. Is the gnawing in her chest is pure grief or an inferno fueled by nothing but a full blown rage? And who was it directed to? Carmilla for going all heroic on her? At herself for not making a move sooner? For going to Silas? The list is endless.

"Ugh!" A teary-eyed Laura swings her arm towards every object on top of the desk, sending all of it flying every which way before she collapses back, face first into the pillow

Everything.

Except.

Her mug.

It takes her a half second to realize that the expected sound of shattering ceramic, hadn't filled the room. But in place of that, there is quite an unexpected sound that does.

"That bad huh?"

Laura's body tenses, and she didn't dare breathe; hoping against everything that she wasn't finally losing her mind.

Slowly, she lifts her face from the pillow, and then is suddenly trapped in Carmilla's gaze.

Dumbstruck, Laura's mouth dares to open, but it's useless; she's been rendered speechless.

The vampire ever so carefully begins to stand, doing her best not to make and sudden movements, and sets the mug back on top of the desk.

"C-Carm?" Laura finally chokes out, eyes growing wide with disbelief. She scours over every inch of the other girl's body, looking just as it did before she had jumped from the edge of the chasm.

"You know I worked pretty hard on that Cupcake, and-"

Laura doesn't even care if she has gone and completely lost her mind, she is_ not_ about to let this opportunity pass.

She lunges at Carmilla, throwing her arms around the vampire's neck without a second's hesitation; being met with an just as eager embrace from Carmilla, (hallucination or not) and she collapses into her arms.

"How?" Laura says holding Carmilla's face in her hands, forcing.. no proving to herself and reality that this cannot possibly be an illusion; _it just can't be. _The small girl had finally caught her breath by this point, but she wasn't willing to give up physical contact any time soon.

Then Carmilla mimics the gesture, her leering a smoldering one at that. Her smirk fell into something softer, something tenderer, as she tilts her head to press her cheek further into Laura's hand; letting the girl know how much (even if it was just a single word) it eased her mind.

As she starts explaining herself, the only thing Laura can focus on is the sound of Carmilla's voice; saying all right things that destroy the idea this isn't all a dream, and clearing Laura's mind of everything but her.

"I can't believe this is really happening… or have I gone completely mental?"

Before the vampire could make some sly remark (or at least that is what Laura thinks), Carmilla simply breathes out:

"It's real."

The waterworks come back full force, but thankfully this time is isn't because of an overwhelming sadness; but quite the opposite. Carmilla squeezes her arms tighter around Laura, committing everything about this moment to her everlasting memory.

"You're really here, with me?" Though these are tears of an exuberant Laura, the way her small voice cracks with the mere thought this might not be honestly happening, absolutely breaks Carmilla's undead heart.

"I'm here." Carmilla whispers into her hair, softly caressing Laura's face with her thumb.

Laura has experienced firsthand what it feels like to regret not giving in sooner when it came to getting something she wanted, and she's _not _about to let it happen again. So with that, she doesn't give herself a second longer to think about it… and just acts.

She grabs the girl by the crook of her neck, and crashes their lips together.

Laura's hand around Carmilla's neck brakes her concentration, and her only response is pressing herself deeper into the kiss.

The vampire catches the fluttering sound of Laura's heart skip several beats, before she finally pulls away and grins ear to ear. It was like the last weeks, battle included were erased, they had finally had the kiss she had been wondering about since Carmilla's little dance lesson.

"It's going to take more than a petty little fall to get rid of me, Creampuff." Carmilla says, her lips are still close enough to Laura's that which each word, they lightly brush against hers. The sensation makes Laura's chest flood with a relentless yearning for more.

And Carmilla isn't blind.

"_Especially_, if you keep kissing me like this."

This time, her arms wrap around Laura's small frame and pull _her_ in. It didn't last as long as the last one, and when Laura pulls away again, she's slightly breathless.

"Stupid vampire." Her grin is wide and playful, but she can't stand to fight the burning desire anymore, and surrendered when Carmilla leans in to steal another kiss.

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><p>AN: **Please**, I beg anyone who read this to leave a review. Good or bad, it all helps.(:


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